Worst Reality Check Ever

This last quarter of the deployment has been really tough for me. I venture to even say I'm having a harder time right now with it all than I did during the beginning few months. I honestly think Johnny and I are just so mentally and emotionally spent that we are having a tough time communicating and unfortunately I am just flat out of patience and optimism.

A year is just too long.

I am going through the motions of each day but my general mood is just BLAH. I know how close we are to his return home and everyone says, even Johnny, "But it's almost over, he's coming home soon, you should be excited!" And I am, but it hasn't really hit me yet to the full extent to overcome my feelings of blah-ness.

I wonder if other Army wives hit this point during the deployment where they just can't comprehend doing another day of this crap.

To make me feel even worse about my lack of patience and not so great mood towards Johnny lately, I just found out this morning that the husband of one of my friends' best friend was killed in action this weekend in Afghanistan. She is my age, maybe a few years older. MY AGE. NOW A WIDOW. PLANNING A FUNERAL FOR HER HUSBAND.

I've had a tough time dealing with that news even though I never met this couple. Even now, I'm fighting to hold back tears as I sit in my office and write this. While I know the reality of Johnny's situation and job, and I knew what I was getting into when I married him, it doesn't make that blow any less painful. Those are things I don't let myself think about because I wouldn't be able to get myself out of bed in the morning.

I thought to myself, "How dare you for getting mad over stupid things when all you can do is pray and trust that you will see his face again one day. How dare you for taking life for granted while he serves our country at WAR."

Nothing is guaranteed. Is that argument really worth having now? My mom always says, pick your battles Amanda. I didn't really think I needed a reality check to remind myself that Johnny is in Iraq with death a very real part of the job, but let me tell you, that news really helped put things into perspective for me as I struggle to make it through the last 5-7 weeks of our deployment.

My thoughts and prayers are with the young wife as she wraps her head around the news, the rest of the family and my friend and her husband.

As Johnny put it best, "He was serving his country so that we can all have freedoms. He made the ultimate sacrifice for his country and he will not be forgotten."

Hiya

Where have I been lately you might ask?

Sleeping. That's where.

Summer has not been very nice to Amanda considering I just recently finished my SIXTH antibiotic for yet another sinus infection only to get the flu in mid-recovery. What a delight that was!!

I am finally feeling better and I'm armed with several allergy medications to help keep things in check. Let's hope this works because I don't think I could handle another sinus infection and I'm sure my boss is fairly fed up with zombie Amanda walking the halls!

I have had two exciting reasons worth celebrating this week. Yesterday was my parent's 30th wedding anniversary! That is a long time folks! But what a happy milestone to celebrate! It is hard for me to imagine Johnny and I celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary...I wonder where we'll be living and how many kids and grandkids we'll have by then. What a crazy thought!

The second exciting reason I am celebrating this week is because it is Johnny's birthday today!! Despite the fact that I am continually trying to celebrate his 25th birthday, he is really turning 26 today. As embarrassing and heart-wrenching as it is, I even wrote "Happy 25th Birthday" in his card. What an awful wife I am!!! I think I am confused because we have not been together for 15 months and we didn't get to celebrate his 25th birthday last year since he was at Ranger School. I already feel like I am just going through the motions of life while he is away, so I can kind of understand how in my head I'm behind a year. I think I am just trying to make myself feel better. I told him he will appreciate the fact that I can't remember his age when he is 80!!

I am having a birthday party tonight to celebrate his 26th birthday. Even though he won't be able to join in on the fun, we are celebrating the day he was born, and that is definitely worth celebrating in my book!

R&R Recap

Remember way back when, like back in May when Johnny was home from Iraq for 2 weeks and I couldn't stop gushing about how amazing our time together was?! We tried to cram all of our favorite things we love to do together into two weeks. We even made a list of all the things we wanted to do about 2 months before he actually came home. And I KNOW we accomplished most things off that list because as I was writing the captions for the pictures below I kept wanting to start off each sentence with, "One of our favorite past times...".

We really did have an incredible two weeks together. I don't think it could have been any better quite frankly. The fact that we hadn't seen each other for 7 months didn't seem to phase us because we jumped right back into our life and it was almost as if he had never left. It really did refuel us for the rest of the deployment and reassured me that we were going to be fine.

One of our "fancy" dinners out in Savannah. We love getting
dressed up and eating delicious food!

Playing cards and drinking beers at home :)

Pickling okra

Fancy dinner at Grill 225 in Charleston. We were celebrating our one year wedding anniversary since we weren't together for it in February. Look at how cute he looks in his bow tie!! Love it!

At The Citadel for the Parade.

Our couples massage at Savannah Day Spa....amazing!

Cleaning his bike after we got caught riding in a major rain storm.

Out for Mexican on Cinco de Mayo with friends.