Why wasn't I better preparing myself for this deployment?
The first part of last week was spent filling out form after form for this upcoming deployment. It was the most depressing thing EVER. I had to choose who I wanted to be with me for support if I had to be notified that something had happened to Johnny; Other forms with questions about what if Johnny is taken as a prisoner of war; A checklist of topics regarding everyday life to see what we've discussed and/or do I know how to get the information. It was miserable. It took us a few days to get through them because we could only take so much at one time.
It was the last thing Johnny and I wanted to do...we wanted to celebrate and catch up on lost time and do all the fun things we love to do. So now, the forms are done, and we are definitely enjoying every moment of every day and trying to ignore the inevitable so it doesn't ruin our (my) mood.
I just wish I had somehow better prepared myself for this. I mean, if you really think about it, you can imagine the harsh details one would have discuss before going away to war. I guess it never really gets easier, but I wonder if you at least get use to it a little bit?
I feel like I have so many questions and no answers. I know I'm going to be fine and Johnny's going to be fine and we'll come out stronger in the end, but HOW? HOW do I go through a year of life without my best friend? One day at a time....and I'm sure sometimes it'll be one hour at a time. It's overwhelming, that's all.
But I can say one thing for sure. I am so unbelievably proud of Johnny and grateful for his commitment and duty and honor to his job and our country. Regardless of your views of the war, support the soldiers and troops who help protect our freedoms and what we stand for. Yes, these men (and women) sign up to be in the military, and us wives fall in love and marry into "army life" but it doesn't make it any easier to be apart from those we love.
This is one of my favorite pictures taken in CA at the National Training Center this past April. They were there for pre-deployment training. Johnny is the one of the far right, standing, with black gloves on.
I promise I'll write a less depressing post tomorrow :)